Looking back at my life story, I am content and excited. I see a difficult way, with many traumas, many fears, much pain and grief, but also much Light, a gift of a brave heart and trust in my soul, that carried me through. I had the best teacher - Life, or God, you name it. Suffering always showed me the way to grow. Love and blessings supported my unfolding. Allies and mentors, visible and invisible, were always on my side. I did not always know it. But today I can travel back in my mind and heart to the lost and sad little girl I was, and I can whisper in her ear, that one day everything will be all right. She smiles. She trusts me.
I started my life from the scratch in my late 20s, when I felt it had no purpose any more. I gave up my successful career as a university lecturer (that was a result of my good-girl-adjustment and did not grow out of my core) and followed my passion for art, cause after getting depressed and ill, for me there was no other way to go. Out of this experience I learned being authentic vs. being perfect and have developed a method to support others bringing their Soul Business to life. It became my vocation to show the way to passionate authenticity by developing a holistic approach to Authentic Design. I have been practicing it as a freelance designer for more than 20 years.
I followed my wished to travel, lived in Serbia, Germany and Holland, travelled for studying to France and Switzerland, visited India. I collected precious psychological and spiritual knowledge and followed the way of inner growth (see my qualifications). I discovered Self-Love and realized that it is the basis of any transformation. I was not very stable on many levels and suffered from a light version of PTSD (which I did not know then), so I needed a lot of inner work and healing. But what was stable, was the trust in my soul, in transformation.
Looking back today, I can see that there were two important wings of my development at that time. One was to experience joy, aliveness, dance, happiness, bliss and in this way strengthen self-love. And second, to do the inner work, embracing the shadow and suffering. Studying 4 years at the Snowlion Center School for body and energy work deeply changed me. There I learned to profoundly allow and embrace vulnerability and gained precious knowledge and tools in psychology and work with aura. In the years later, blessed with a wonderful therapist, I was learning to heal my traumas even deeper, to widen the inner vessel - the deeper I get to the roots of suffering, the higher the bliss and ectasy becomes. I have been walking this way since then.
A couple of years ago I dealt with great loss, when father of my daughter died after almost 9 years of cancer. My daughter was 10 years old then and I knew I had to embrace death completely, otherwise I can not show her the way and support her to integrate such a big loss. In the same year my mother died and also one of my best friends. So I had three huge losses in one year, one of them very traumatic. But today I can say, Death and Loss were my biggest teachers. Today, I am deeply thankful to the strength of my soul. And to the fact that I have collected enough teachings and therapy hours before that, enough Self-Love, enough blissfull experiences and meditations, enough stability in emotional processing, and that I had a glimpse of a state behind Ego and enough contact with my Essence to - also this time - dive deeply into the pain and turn suffering into gold. To do what I call (see my Approach) the Golden Alchemy. After making death and loss part of me, part of Life and knowing that grief is one of the most important tools of transformation, I live as much more conscious person. So many things are just not important any more. And some things are forever precious. Life got more simple and so much more fulfilling. When I live as if I could die tomorrow (and actually I could, we all could), my life today is full of meaning and preciousness.
Dealing with sleep disorder and chronic fatigue was another hard chapter of my life. I had to face helplessness and embrace my weakness like never before. I had to let go of many ideas about my life and become more simple and more humble. I have found out that many people do not understand this illness and my state, including medical doctors. So I had to listen to my intuition and develop my own healing way. This is where I found the precious connection with nature and especially with forest, that became one of my most important resources. Out of this experience, and with a big wish to support others in the same situation, I offer the Forest Healing group.
When I look back today to the numerous ups and downs in my life, it feels so exciting! Life must have loved me so much and had so much trust in me! Trust that its tasks will not put me down but make me grow. Life knew who I was and that my soul passionately wanted to grow. And I wanted really big tasks, so I can practice this lioness heart! Sometimes it is incredible hard, but I still manage to always come back to trusting Life - which is trusting Love.
Happiness and ecstasy used to be my goal, but today I know better: The deeper the roots of suffering, the stronger the light that shines through it and the higher the bliss of its integration. Today I know that everything, really everything, is Life and Love.
Long time ago someone asked me, what was my most important goal in life. I was inexperienced then, but out of somewhere deep within me I said (surprized by my own answer) "I wish to be so wise, that I can embrace Shadow just the same as Light and know that they are essentially the same, none is better than the other." So my Life, my teacher, made my wish come true. Only when we carry both, can we really choose, cause we are not afraid any more. This is a life with a peaceful heart, a life of contentment and soulful happiness.
I am not always happy on the outside, but I am not running away from unhappiness, as I know this is just an invitation for another Golden Alchemy to happen. I learn to say YES and accept what is there, right here, right now. I learn to ride the waves better and better. And the waves don't matter that much any more. Good day, bad day, happiness, unhappiness - the waves change all the time anyway, that is the nature of Life. But my inner golden fire, that trusts Life and Love, that integrates suffering and knows the Essence - that source is always in the background. This is what makes my life precious and peaceful and grows the fearless heart, that is ready for anything.
By the grace of the Universe, a couple of years ago I was given a gift of experiencing a state of consciousness where everything is One. With this experience in the background and after everything I have been through in my life, it is my passion, mission and vocation to bring Spirit into Matter, to see Light in the Darkness, to give Meaning to the Crisis and to embrace all of Life.